The holiday season is often seen as a time of celebration, joy and connection. However, for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one it can also be a time of deep heartache and painful reminders of those who are no longer there. The traditions unique to your family that once brought comfort may now feel overwhelming and difficult to face.
If you’re struggling with grief this holiday season, please know that you are not alone. Grief is often a complex and uncertain journey, and the holidays can magnify uncomfortable or distressing emotions in ways that might make it difficult to explain to friends or family.
Everyone grieves differently and your grief is unique to you. There is no wrong way to grieve, and there is no timeline. Grief is not something to “fix” and it cannot be “cured.” The good news is that there are ways to care for yourself, find support and create space for healing, even in the throes of the holiday activities. While grief can feel incredibly isolating, please know that you don’t have to walk this path alone.
How Grief Can Affect You During the Holidays
Emotional Fatigue: Feelings such as sadness, anxiety, and anger may unexpectedly surface. You might find yourself struggling with mixed emotions, and torn between participating in festive activities and needing time alone to be quiet and reflect.
Physical Fatigue: Grieving is a physical experience as well. It can be exhausting trying to manage your emotions, attending holiday events, or even walking into a room with your chin up can be incredibly draining. Your body needs time to recover, and it’s okay to honor yourself and rest.
Guilt: For some people guilt can come up when you’re asked to attend an event that you don’t want to attend. You might feel like you’re letting friends or family down if you decide not to go, or are having trouble embracing the season. Please know that it is okay to be exactly where you are in your grief. If you say yes, and then change your mind, that’s okay too. This is how you feel for now, it is not how you will feel forever.
Ways to Cope with Grief During the Holidays
While there is no way to fix grief or erase the pain of loss, there are self-care and self-compassionate things you can do to help navigate your way through the more difficult times.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up for you without judging yourself. If you need to cry, cry. If you need time alone, please take it. The grieving process isn’t linear. Some days will feel heavier while others will feel lighter. It is okay to say no to things that feel like too much on any given day.
Reach Out for Support: Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether it’s a grief support group, calling a friend, seeing a therapist or grief coach, reaching out for support can help you to feel seen, heard and understood. Talking about your grief helps to lighten the emotional load.
Give Yourself Permission to Take a Step Back: It’s so important to prioritize your emotional well-being and take a step back when needed. Trust yourself. If you need to opt out of an event (even if you’ve already accepted the invitation), it is perfectly okay to change your mind and take a pass. Please do so without guilt.
Again, trust yourself. Your emotional needs are your priority at this time.
Practice Self-Care: There are many forms of self-care. Whether you take a walk or a warm bath, read a good book, call a close friend, lose yourself in a good movie or tv show, meditate, listen to music, or do yoga, the important thing is to find what works for you. When we’re in grief or mourning, self-care is essential to our well-being.
Honor Your Love One’s Memory: When you feel like it’s the right time, try to find a way to honor your loved one. This can be by cooking a meal or dessert they loved and sharing it with others, share stories about them with others or even creating some kind of small ritual to honor them.
The Holidays can be hard, but you don’t have to navigate them alone.
By leaning on supportive practices and honoring your needs, you may find moments of peace, healing, and even relief. If you or or a loved one are going through grief, learn more about our monthly Grief Support Groups or contact us at (310) 641-0707 to speak to our compassionate staff about other resources.
