In Jewish tradition, the idea of legacy is about far more than assets or possessions—it is about values. How do we preserve the essence of who we are for those who come after us? How do we ensure that our stories, beliefs, and guiding principles are not lost, but cherished and continued? One timeless and profoundly personal way to do this is through the writing of an ethical will. We spoke with Rabbi Jonathan Aaron of Temple Emanuel of Beverly Hills about this ancient and evolving tradition—its spiritual impact, emotional resonance, and enduring role in Jewish life. More Than a Will: Capturing What Matters Most Unlike a legal will, an ethical will is not about distributing material possessions—it’s about sharing what made your life meaningful. “It’s a document about values and what you stood for,” Rabbi Aaron explains. “It’s not what you earned—it’s about what you learned.” Parents often lead by example, but an ethical will gives children a deeper lens. “My kids don’t necessarily know what I’m most proud of or what challenged me,” he shares. “Writing it down helps them understand me better—and gives them a framework to understand their own lives.” What goes into an ethical will can be as individual as the person creating it: reflections on childhood, beliefs, struggles, forgiveness, love, loss, favorite books or music, memories shared with family, and dreams for the future. “It should be filled with stories,” Rabbi Aaron says. “Ideally a combination of past and future. What do you want future generations to know or carry forward?” For Rabbi Aaron, ethical wills are about soul, not just story. “It’s the opportunity to say goodbye in a way that’s full of presence. To say, ‘This is what my life meant. This is what you meant to me.’” A Ritual of Reflection and a Gift of Continuity Though not legally binding, ethical wills carry profound spiritual weight. In Judaism, the tradition reaches back to biblical times—Jacob, at the end of Genesis, offers his children blessings and truths about their lives. “That’s essentially an ethical will,” says Rabbi Aaron. The practice continued through medieval Jewish texts, where fathers were expected to pass on ethical guidance. Today, that tradition is being revived—not just as a historical artifact, but as a personal spiritual exercise. “ L’dor v’dor —from generation to generation—is core to Jewish life,” Rabbi Aaron reflects. “An ethical will helps reinforce Jewish values, especially when it includes teachings about what mattered most in your life, and what you hope your children and grandchildren will carry forward.” Creating one can be transformative. “People get great satisfaction from clarifying their lives—what they learned, what they cared about,” he shares. “It becomes a reflection of their soul, and for those who read it after someone passes away, it’s a gift. It brings their loved one’s voice back into the room.” Ethical wills can take many forms: letters, videos, artwork, recorded stories, poetry, or even heirlooms passed down with meaning. Rabbi Aaron recalls one man who made a documentary-style video and another who created a collage to reflect her life. “There’s no one way to do it,” he says. “It’s just about starting.” Why Start Now? You don’t have to be old or near the end of life to write an ethical will. In fact, Rabbi Aaron encourages people to start young. “What I care about now is different than what I cared about 30 years ago. But that earlier version of me mattered too—my kids deserve to know who I was then, and how I’ve changed.” If you're unsure where to begin, Rabbi Aaron recommends starting small: “Just write. You can change the format or style later. You never know where it might take you.” To learn more about ethical wills and how to begin your own, we invite you to watch Rabbi Aaron’s conversation with American Jewish University: The Mitzvah of Crafting Your Ethical Will Planning for the Future with Meaning and Intention At Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, we understand that legacy is about more than making arrangements—it’s about making meaning. Writing an ethical will is a deeply personal act of love, and we are here to support you in that process as part of your advance planning journey. If you're beginning to think about how you want to be remembered, or how to honor the values of a loved one who has passed, we invite you to reach out on our site or at 1 (800) 576-1994. Let our experienced team walk alongside you with compassion, tradition, and care—so that what you leave behind reflects not just what you had, but who you were.
Insights from Rabbi Ken Chasen of Leo Baeck Temple, Los Angeles
In every generation, Judaism is renewed by the voices who challenge it to become more expansive, more compassionate, and more true to its core values. Rabbi Jillian R. Cameron—leader, educator, and proud member of the LGBTQ+ community—is one of those voices. As the Rabbi of Beth Chayim Chadashim, the world’s first LGBTQ+ synagogue, she brings both deep tradition and radical welcome to her work with queer, interfaith, and intercultural families. For Rabbi Cameron, inclusion is not an accessory to Jewish life—it’s the heart of it. A Personal Path to Communal Welcome Rabbi Cameron’s inclusive approach is deeply rooted in her own experience. “I come from an interfaith family,” she shares. “My parents gave me the choice to be involved in Judaism when I was young, and that freedom to choose made all the difference.” It led her not only to embrace Jewish life, but to become a Rabbi committed to opening doors for others who might otherwise feel outside the fold. “I didn’t just want to be an awesome Jew,” she says with a smile, “I wanted to be a Rabbi who could help people like me find their way into Judaism without as many barriers.” That spirit of openness has guided her work with diverse couples and families, ensuring that everyone who seeks connection, no matter their background, has a place to belong. “Judaism is joyful and welcoming,” she affirms. “But there are still places where gatekeeping exists. I needed permission to belong, and now I offer that to others.” Making Space for Celebration, Transformation, and Belonging At Beth Chayim Chadashim and in communities across the country, Rabbi Cameron has officiated at weddings, baby namings, conversions, and transition rituals—always seeking to reflect both tradition and the full identities of those involved. “Our goal isn’t to abandon Jewish practice, but to reimagine it with integrity,” she explains. “Creating new liturgy for same-sex weddings or gender transitions keeps the tradition alive while making it relevant.” Even small changes, she notes, can be powerful. “Language matters. I don’t refer to God as ‘He’ or ‘She,’ I also avoid binary phrases like ‘ladies and gentlemen’ or ‘brothers and sisters.’ That kind of precision in how we speak helps people feel seen.” Her efforts extend beyond ritual and into the visibility of Jewish presence in LGBTQ+ spaces. When she lived in Salem, Massachusetts, she co-founded Tribe for Pride to bring Jewish representation to the local Pride parade. “Marching on Shabbat was controversial for some,” she recalls, “but visibility was more important. People were overjoyed to see Jews proudly represented. It made them feel safe, welcome, at home.” Sacred Institutions, Everyday Inclusion From synagogues to cemeteries, Rabbi Cameron believes that Jewish institutions must actively communicate welcome. “Details matter,” she emphasizes. “The language on your forms, your website, even your signage. Those all signal whether someone will feel they belong.” For queer individuals or those in interfaith families, a form that only lists “husband” and “wife” can be a quiet but powerful exclusion. “Symbolism is important, but it can’t stop there. We have to do the deeper work of making people feel celebrated.” She also stresses the importance of making Jewish life accessible to people from all backgrounds, especially those who didn’t grow up in the tradition. “Not every Jew knows everything about Judaism, let alone someone exploring it. That’s okay. We can meet them with kindness where they are.” A Community for the Future For those in the LGBTQ+ community seeking a spiritual home, Rabbi Cameron has a simple but powerful message: You belong here. “Judaism doesn’t belong to one kind of Jew,” she says. “There are innumerable ways to be Jewish, and people who can help you explore what that means.” Whether it's the warmth of a Pride parade or the quiet comfort of a naming ceremony, Rabbi Cameron’s work is helping the next generation find a place in the ancient tradition. “I’ve seen lives transformed,” she reflects. “People who thought they didn’t deserve to exist in Jewish space have found belonging. That’s what keeps me doing this work.” At Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, we share this commitment to inclusion. We honor all identities, all kinds of families, and all expressions of Jewish tradition. To learn more about how we serve diverse communities at every stage of life—and legacy—please reach out on our site or by phone at 1 (800) 576-1994.
At Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, our commitment to Tikkun Olam —the Jewish principle of repairing the world—extends beyond our gates and into the heart of our community. Guided by the value of chesed (grace, benevolence, and loving-kindness), the Hillside Chesed Project was created to offer meaningful ways for our staff, visitors, and community members to support those in need. Through the Chesed Project, we are proud to partner with a diverse group of charitable organizations across Southern California—each dedicated to healing, educating, and uplifting individuals and families. Whether through donations, time, or talent, these partnerships embody Hillside’s mission of service and compassion. Big Sunday Big Sunday connects people through acts of service and believes that everyone has something to give. With over 2,000 volunteer opportunities each year, Big Sunday unites people of all backgrounds through shared purpose, joy, and community involvement. You can get involved with volunteer opportunities on the big Sunday volunteer page. Builders of Jewish Education (BJE) BJE strengthens Jewish identity and education in Los Angeles through grants, professional development, and engaging programs for youth and teens. Volunteers can support student programs and events that create lasting Jewish experiences. Learn more about volunteering here. Culver City Education Foundation (CCEF) CCEF supports nearly 7,000 students in the Culver City Unified School District, funding educational programs and innovations that go beyond government support. Community donations and volunteer efforts help elevate learning opportunities for all. You can volunteer or donate to support Culver City Educational Foundation here . Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion HUC-JIR is a cornerstone of Jewish leadership development, training rabbis, cantors, educators, and nonprofit leaders. Your donation supports progressive Jewish education and the next generation of spiritual and communal leaders. Visit Hebrew Union College online to donate to support students, faculty, and staff. Pico Union Project Rooted in the commandment to love your neighbor, Pico Union Project provides vital resources like food distribution, arts education, and health access in one of LA’s most underserved neighborhoods. Volunteers help power programs like the Vida Sana farmers market and free cultural classes. Sign up to volunteer for the Vida Sana farmers market, community gardening, and more on their site today . Shemesh Farms / Shalom Institute Shemesh Farms, a program of the Shalom Institute, offers meaningful employment to neurodiverse young adults and produces handcrafted organic goods. This inclusive model of work and community uplifts both individuals and Jewish values of dignity and care. You can donate to Shalom institute and contact about volunteer opportunities on their site Lions Clubs International Foundation LCIF funds global initiatives in health, vision care, disaster relief, and youth services. Their impact—$1.3 billion in grants across 200+ countries—is a testament to the power of collective goodwill. Whether you’re interested in becoming a Lion or Leo, or requesting service from a club, you can search for your nearest club on their site . At Hillside, we believe that every small act of chesed has the power to repair, uplift, and transform. Whether through direct service or supporting one of our valued partner organizations, we invite you to join us in making a difference. To learn more about the Chesed Project or to explore volunteer opportunities, please contact us or call Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary at (310) 641-0707 ext. 103 today. Together, we can continue building a more compassionate and connected world.
How Jewish Tradition Encourages Us to Show Up for One Another in Times of Loss In moments of mourning, grief can feel overwhelming and isolating. Yet within Jewish tradition lies a powerful antidote: community. Our rituals and teachings guide us not only in honoring the memory of the deceased, but in surrounding those who mourn with steadfast care and presence. We spoke with Rabbi Michele Lenke at Hebrew Union College, who shared her wisdom on how community support is not just a gesture of kindness, but also a sacred responsibility. Through communal rituals, personal acts of care, and the simple courage to show up, we can help transform grief into connection, sorrow into healing, and memory into lasting blessing. A Sacred Responsibility Jewish tradition teaches that supporting the bereaved is both a personal and communal mitzvah: a commandment and a moral obligation. “We are taught to love our neighbors and to draw in those who might otherwise be outsiders,” Rabbi Lenke explains. “And when it comes to mourning, we are called to make sure no one is left alone in their grief.” Not everyone has nearby family to lean on in times of loss. That’s why community, whether synagogue, school, or neighborhood, is essential. Rabbi Lenke notes that even small acts, like organizing meals or sitting with someone who has lost a spouse, can be incredibly powerful. “Sometimes, it’s not just about doing something big,” she says. “It’s about showing up. Walking the dog. Picking up the kids. Just being there.” The very presence of others offers more than logistical help—it offers spiritual grounding. “To know that someone is there for you, especially when you don’t expect it, is a gift. It’s nothing short of holy,” she shares. How Communities Care During Shiva and Beyond The seven-day mourning period of Shiva provides a structured space for grief—but it is the community that helps hold that space. Traditionally, mourners are cared for by others during Shiva . Meals are brought. Prayer services are arranged. Someone may simply sit nearby to offer quiet companionship. “Families often come home from the cemetery to find the meal of consolation already prepared. That’s an incredible act of love,” Rabbi Lenke says. She emphasizes that roles vary based on need. Helping with young children, transportation, hosting guests, or simply making sure the mourners aren’t left to organize everything alone, are all helpful ways to make the bereaved feel seen and uniquely cared for. In many communities, chesed or bereavement committees coordinate support. “It’s community organizing at its best,” she adds. “And it’s not just about rituals—it’s about offering people what they truly need: comfort, continuity, and compassion.” Importantly, the support shouldn’t stop after Shiva ends. Whether it’s accompanying someone to synagogue for the first time after their loss, remembering a loved one’s yahrzeit , or offering to share a meal months later, communal care helps mourners reintegrate into life—gently and in their own time. Memory, Storytelling, and the Ongoing Presence of Love Jewish mourning is not a linear journey—it’s a cycle of remembrance woven into community life. “Saying names during Kaddish , naming children after loved ones, telling stories—these are all ways we keep people present with us,” Rabbi Lenke says. She reflects on how modern American culture often avoids conversations about grief, yet Judaism offers a counterpoint: “Death is part of life. Mourning is part of life. And we must create more opportunities to tell the stories of our hearts.” Whether it’s at a Shiva gathering or during a holiday Yizkor service, storytelling and memory help normalize grief and strengthen bonds between individuals and their communities. Even virtual spaces, now more common since the pandemic, can hold real meaning. “I’ve attended Zoom Shiva minyans that were deeply powerful,” Rabbi Lenke shares. “I’ve reconnected with old school friends who I haven’t seen in years. Grief created space for reconnection.” In times when our world feels more disconnected, this emphasis on memory and presence serves as a gentle but essential reminder: no one should mourn alone. And no one needs to have all the right words. “Silence can be better than saying the wrong thing,” Rabbi Lenke reminds us. “Just be there. Listen. Ask with empathy. That alone can be everything.” You Are Not Alone At Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, we believe that mourning should never be a solitary experience. Our staff understands how difficult and uncertain the days after a loss can be—and we are here to help guide, support, and connect you with the resources you need. If you or someone you love is grieving, please reach out on our site or at (310) 641-0707 ext. 103. Our compassionate staff is here to support and assist you through this difficult time.
Memory is not just a theme in Jewish tradition—it is the foundation. In a culture rooted in continuity, story, and sacred responsibility, memory becomes the bridge that connects generation to generation across time. It is how we honor the past, navigate loss, and strengthen our future. We recently spoke with Rabbi Cantor Alison Wissot, a Rabbi at Temple Judea, about the spiritual and cultural weight of memory in Jewish life. Rabbi Cantor Wissot serves on the board of Rabbis United (a branch of StandWithUs) and AKLA, and is an active member of the Cantors Assembly, American Conference of Cantors, and the Central Conference of American Rabbis. She will also lead our Mothers’ Day Remembrance Service at Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary on Sunday, May 11th at 10:00AM in our Sanctuary. Here, she reflects on how memory shapes Jewish mourning practices, personal rituals, and the resilience of our people. Memory as a Collective Inheritance “Judaism isn’t just a religion—it’s a people,” Rabbi Wissot reminds us. And what binds a people together across time and place? Memory. From ancient Torah commandments to modern Yizkor services, Jews are taught to remember—not only the past but those who carried our stories forward. “There’s a passage in the Torah that commands us to retell our stories,” she says, “even if there’s no one left who remembers them firsthand. When we do this, we’re not just connecting to the living—we’re connecting to the generations who came before us.” In Jewish culture, memory affirms that every life is irreplaceable. “The opposite of holy isn’t the profane, it ‘everyday’ mundane.” Rabbi Wissot explains. “The metaphor we use is kadosh or life versus chol which means sand in modern Hebrew because in the desert, everything is uniform. But each life is distinct, uniquely enriching, and holy. When we remember someone, we’re honoring that uniqueness—and through that, we reaffirm our peoplehood.” “May Their Memory Be a Blessing”: A Phrase of Presence The familiar phrase “May their memory be a blessing” is far more than a platitude. “It means that what you carry from a person—their love, values, and wisdom—should bring good into your life,” Rabbi Wissot says. “Their presence in your life isn’t over.” In practice, this blessing invites the mourner to integrate the best of their loved one into their own journey. “At first, all you feel is pain. But as time passes, the memories return—and they can make you laugh or miss them. That’s how you know they’re still present.” It’s also a phrase that helps others show up. “When someone doesn’t know what to say, this gives them a way to offer love and acknowledgment. It’s a stepping stone to deeper support.” Jewish Mourning as a Journey Through Time One of the most powerful ways Judaism transforms memory into healing is through time—structured, intentional, and sacred. “You can’t go around grief,” Rabbi Wissot explains. “You have to walk through it.” From the immediate moments after death to the yearly yahrzeit (anniversary), Jewish mourning practices offer stages of remembrance: Aninut: The initial period between death and burial, when the mourner is not obligated to anyone but the deceased. Shiva: A week of deep mourning, when the community surrounds the mourner with food, company, and space to remember. Sheloshim: The next 30 days, a gentle reentry into daily life while continuing to observe and reflect. Eleven Months of Kaddish: For parents, this extended period of daily prayer offers time to process, remember, and honor. “These rituals give you permission to remember,” she says, “and permission to feel without shame or pity. It’s a structure that walks with you out of the valley of the shadow of death.” Mourner’s Kaddish: A Communal Act of Love The Mourner’s Kaddish is one of Judaism’s most iconic prayers—yet it doesn’t mention death at all. Instead, it praises life, creation, and the Divine. “That’s its power,” says Rabbi Wissot. “When you’re in mourning, you’re reciting words of life. It’s the antidote to despair.” Saying Kaddish is also a profoundly communal act. “You can’t say it alone. You need a minyan, a group of ten. In that way, it tells you: even in grief, stay connected.” The physical act of bowing during Kaddish can also be a moment of reflection. “An idea I first heard from my friend Rabbi Dan Moskovitz is the idea that during Kaddish you take a step back as if to see what the world is like without you, and then a step back in to reclaim your place in the world.” Personal and Communal Ways to Remember Memory lives not only in prayers but in names, traditions, and the stories we tell: Naming: In many Jewish traditions, babies are named after loved ones who have passed. “It’s a way of saying, ‘May this child carry the values and spirit of someone we cherished.’” Yahrzeit and Yizkor: These annual and festival-based remembrances allow individuals to reflect with the support of the community. Storytelling: Simply telling a story—especially in front of others—brings the person’s memory into the room. “We’re part of a chain,” Rabbi Wissot says. “Every time we say someone’s name, quote their words, or light a candle in their honor, we keep them in that chain.” Creating Meaningful Remembrance Today For those unsure of how to begin, Rabbi Wissot offers gentle advice: “Show up in the community. Explore what traditions are available to you. You don’t have to do everything at once. Maybe start by going to Shabbat. Try something more than once before deciding if it works for you. Let it unfold slowly.” And most importantly, don’t walk the journey alone. “Talk to a rabbi or cantor. Talk to someone who knows. These rituals are meant to hold you.” In Jewish tradition, memory is more than recollection—it is ritual, resistance, and renewal. It is how we honor our losses and how we hold onto life. It binds us to one another, to our past, and to our shared future. If you're seeking ways to create meaningful remembrance in your family, consider speaking with a rabbi, attending a Yizkor service, or simply telling a story. Memory is our inheritance—and our gift to the generations yet to come. If you have recently lost a loved one and need a Rabbi for an upcoming funeral ceremony, Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary is ready to assist your family in finding someone who matches your family’s preferences and traditions. Please don’t hesitate to reach out on our site or at 800-576-1994 for assistance from our compassionate staff.
Insights from Rabbi Sherre Hirsch
Understanding the Role of Shivah in Jewish Mourning Practices
A Conversation with Rabbi Brian Schuldenfrei
Planning a funeral involves more than choosing a casket or a service. Numerous legal concerns come into play, many of which people aren’t aware of until they are faced with the situation. It’s completely normal not to know what these legal requirements are, but understanding them in advance can help ensure everything is handled smoothly. This guide will walk you through some of the most important legal considerations accompanying funeral planning. Is There a Will? Are There Preplanned Funeral Arrangements? A will often includes funding and plans for funeral services. If such a will exists, it’s important to determine how detailed it is regarding funeral expenses. Some individuals make prepaid arrangements covering caskets, burial fees, or cremation costs. Funeral homes will honor prearranged plans, though families may need to verify records, especially if arrangements were made in advance of need. Navigating the legal landscape of funeral planning takes time, and trying to handle everything under tight constraints can lead to rushed decisions. Planning ahead is the best way to avoid overspending, underspending, or making uninformed choices. Deciding ahead of time reduces financial strain and ensures the deceased’s wishes are honored. When preplanning isn’t possible, funeral homes will assist families in making legally sound arrangements in a short timeframe. Who Can Make Funeral Arrangements? Even when a person leaves a will specifying their funeral wishes, funeral homes must follow instructions from specific parties with the legal authority to make funeral and burial decisions. Those parties are specified by law and have authority in the following order: A person may make his or her own pre-arrangements with the funeral home and cemetery of their choice. Agent in a power of attorney for health care Next of Kin: The closest legal relative, specified by law. Spouse, children, parents, siblings, etc. Conservator: A court-appointed individual can make pre-arrangements for the conservatee, but only has authority after the death if there are no blood relatives and no agent in a health care power of attorney. Choosing a clear decision-maker isn’t just necessary for the funeral home. This authorized arbiter helps families avoid disagreements over sensitive decisions during an already emotionally taxing time. How Will Funeral Expenses Be Covered? Prepaying funeral expenses is often the best way to pay for a funeral, as it allows payments to be spread out over time without interest. Some funeral homes partner with nonprofit organizations to provide financial assistance to families in need. Special hardship rates may also be available in cases involving the loss of a child. Exploring financial assistance options early can help ease the burden that comes with deciding how to pay for these arrangements. Life insurance policies may also cover funeral expenses, either through direct payments or assignments on funds. In an assignment on funds, the beneficiary directs a life insurance company to pay part of the policy directly to the funeral home. It is important to note that some mortuaries, including Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, do not accept assignment of funds, and funeral services sometimes take place before insurance payouts can be processed, which can complicate matters. Understanding how and when these funds are available is crucial. Which Legal Documents Are Needed? Several key documents may be required for funeral planning and handling affairs after death: Durable Power of Attorney/Advance Health Directive: Grants authority to make funeral and burial decisions. Trust Documents: apply when cemetery property has been placed in a trust. Will: May contain specific funeral directives. Military DD214 Form: Necessary for scheduling a burial in a national cemetery, obtaining a burial flag, and arranging additional military honors like a 21-gun salute. Which of these documents you need depends on your specific legal and personal circumstances. If you are not sure which documents you need to honor the wishes of your loved one, your Family Service Advisor may be able to assist you in identifying which you need. Notifying Relevant Organizations One of the most important steps after a death is notifying relevant organizations to secure documents like death certificates, military discharge papers, and other relevant documents. It’s crucial to obtain enough copies to send to agencies such as: The Social Security Administration (to halt benefits and apply for survivor benefits if applicable) Veterans Affairs (for burial flags and military honors) Life Insurance Providers (to process claims) Employers (should they require notification of the passing) Funeral directors can help assist in obtaining these documents efficiently, although it is up to survivors to distribute them. Are There Laws About the Disposal of Bodies? Laws regarding body disposition vary by state. In addition to respecting the deceased’s wishes as outlined in their will, legal regulations must be followed for cremation, burial, or other methods of body disposal. Some states require written authorization for cremation or detailed coordination for burials. Mortuaries and funeral homes must adhere to state-specific guidelines to ensure compliance. What Are the Legal Responsibilities of the Funeral Home? Funeral homes have legal obligations to provide transparency and fairness in their services. These include: Itemized Price Lists for services and products, ensuring families understand costs upfront. Cemetery Pricing to outline burial expenses. Statements of Purchased Items so families know exactly what they are paying for in advance or at the time of need. Federal and state laws require funeral homes to be upfront about costs, and families should always request a written statement before making any financial commitments. Looking Ahead Planning a funeral involves many legal considerations, and being prepared can make a difficult time more manageable and prevent unnecessary stress during a sensitive time. While funeral homes assist with these processes, having a clear legal plan in place is the best way to ensure a smooth and respectful farewell for your loved one. Whether you are in the beginning, middle, or end of your journey planning the funeral, it is best to call one of our advance planning advisors for education and information for the duration of the process. Don’t hesitate to reach out on our site or at 800.576.1994.