The Role of the Community in Supporting the Bereaved

May 29, 2025
A group of people are standing in a room behind a cardboard fence.

How Jewish Tradition Encourages Us to Show Up for One Another in Times of Loss


In moments of mourning, grief can feel overwhelming and isolating. Yet within Jewish tradition lies a powerful antidote: community. Our rituals and teachings guide us not only in honoring the memory of the deceased, but in surrounding those who mourn with steadfast care and presence.


We spoke with Rabbi Michele Lenke at Hebrew Union College, who shared her wisdom on how community support is not just a gesture of kindness, but also a sacred responsibility. Through communal rituals, personal acts of care, and the simple courage to show up, we can help transform grief into connection, sorrow into healing, and memory into lasting blessing.


A Sacred Responsibility


Jewish tradition teaches that supporting the bereaved is both a personal and communal mitzvah: a commandment and a moral obligation. “We are taught to love our neighbors and to draw in those who might otherwise be outsiders,” Rabbi Lenke explains. “And when it comes to mourning, we are called to make sure no one is left alone in their grief.”


Not everyone has nearby family to lean on in times of loss. That’s why community, whether synagogue, school, or neighborhood, is essential. Rabbi Lenke notes that even small acts, like organizing meals or sitting with someone who has lost a spouse, can be incredibly powerful. “Sometimes, it’s not just about doing something big,” she says. “It’s about showing up. Walking the dog. Picking up the kids. Just being there.”


The very presence of others offers more than logistical help—it offers spiritual grounding. “To know that someone is there for you, especially when you don’t expect it, is a gift. It’s nothing short of holy,” she shares.


How Communities Care During Shiva and Beyond


The seven-day mourning period of
Shiva provides a structured space for grief—but it is the community that helps hold that space. Traditionally, mourners are cared for by others during Shiva. Meals are brought. Prayer services are arranged. Someone may simply sit nearby to offer quiet companionship.


“Families often come home from the cemetery to find the meal of consolation already prepared. That’s an incredible act of love,” Rabbi Lenke says. She emphasizes that roles vary based on need. Helping with young children, transportation, hosting guests, or simply making sure the mourners aren’t left to organize everything alone, are all helpful ways to make the bereaved feel seen and uniquely cared for.


In many communities,
chesed or bereavement committees coordinate support. “It’s community organizing at its best,” she adds. “And it’s not just about rituals—it’s about offering people what they truly need: comfort, continuity, and compassion.” 


Importantly, the support shouldn’t stop after
Shiva ends. Whether it’s accompanying someone to synagogue for the first time after their loss, remembering a loved one’s yahrzeit, or offering to share a meal months later, communal care helps mourners reintegrate into life—gently and in their own time.


Memory, Storytelling, and the Ongoing Presence of Love


Jewish mourning is not a linear journey—it’s a cycle of remembrance woven into community life. “Saying names during
Kaddish, naming children after loved ones, telling stories—these are all ways we keep people present with us,” Rabbi Lenke says.


She reflects on how modern American culture often avoids conversations about grief, yet Judaism offers a counterpoint: “Death is part of life. Mourning is part of life. And we must create more opportunities to tell the stories of our hearts.”


Whether it’s at a
Shiva gathering or during a holiday Yizkor service, storytelling and memory help normalize grief and strengthen bonds between individuals and their communities. Even virtual spaces, now more common since the pandemic, can hold real meaning. “I’ve attended Zoom Shiva minyans that were deeply powerful,” Rabbi Lenke shares. “I’ve reconnected with old school friends who I haven’t seen in years. Grief created space for reconnection.”


In times when our world feels more disconnected, this emphasis on memory and presence serves as a gentle but essential reminder: no one should mourn alone. And no one needs to have all the right words. “Silence can be better than saying the wrong thing,” Rabbi Lenke reminds us. “Just be there. Listen. Ask with empathy. That alone can be everything.”


You Are Not Alone


At Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, we believe that mourning should never be a solitary experience. Our staff understands how difficult and uncertain the days after a loss can be—and we are here to help guide, support, and connect you with the resources you need. 


If you or someone you love is grieving, please reach out on our
site or at (310) 641-0707 ext. 103. Our compassionate staff is here to support and assist you through this difficult time.

August 19, 2025
As the Jewish year of 5786 approaches, Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary is honored to share our new annual calendar—created to help our community observe Jewish holidays, weekly parshiyot , candle lighting times, and other moments of meaning. This year’s calendar is built around a theme that feels especially poignant: Hatikvah —“The Hope.” The title of Israel’s national anthem, Hatikvah carries a resonance that has only deepened in the wake of the ongoing tragedies in Israel. It is more than a song; it is a promise and a prayer, echoing through our traditions and reminding us that hope is not passive. It is an active, sustaining force that binds us together, even in times of uncertainty. As we turn its pages, the calendar invites us to move through time with intention—not only marking days and seasons, but honoring the moments that give Jewish life its rhythm and depth. From the Torah’s first image of God dividing the waters, to the parting of the Sea of Reeds, water flows as a powerful thread through Jewish history. It is a symbol of renewal, resilience, and the promise of growth. Just as water nourishes the earth, hope nourishes the soul—quietly persistent, deeply powerful, and capable of shaping the landscape of our lives. In the year ahead, may we look for the moments of hope that make us stronger. May that hope—like water—flow freely, bringing healing, possibility, and connection to all it touches. We are pleased to provide you with a complimentary Jewish calendar for 5786. Hillside’s calendar will help you observe Jewish holidays, weekly Parsha, candle lighting times, and other important traditions. Request Your Calendar Here
August 19, 2025
As the Jewish year of 5786 approaches, the turning of the calendar offers more than just a date change—it invites us into a sacred cycle of learning, reflection, and growth. In Judaism, each year is an opportunity to reconnect with our traditions, our community, and ourselves. Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary spoke with Sarah Grondlund Jacob, our Community Liaison, to explore the deeper meaning of this moment in the Jewish year, as well as how this year’s calendar theme, Hatikvah —“The Hope”—inspires us to move forward together. A Year in the Life of the Torah At its most fundamental level, the Jewish year represents a complete cycle of reading the Torah from beginning to end. “The one thing that always happens,” Sarah explains, “is that it starts and ends with the beginning and the end of the Torah. And each week, we progress one Torah portion forward.” This steady rhythm ties the passage of time to the foundation of Jewish life and ensures that, throughout the year, we encounter the full breadth of Jewish teaching—whether or not the Torah portion aligns with the season in which the events took place. Marking Time by the Moon The Jewish calendar follows the lunar cycle, with each new month beginning at the Rosh Chodesh —the appearance of a new moon. Sarah notes the beauty of this symbolism: “It’s not actually a new moon; it’s the same moon that was just a sliver a few days ago. It disappears, but we have this confidence it will come back.” Unlike the unchanging sun, the moon waxes and wanes, reminding us that change and renewal are part of life. This cycle shapes not only our months but also the timing of our holidays, weaving the natural world into the spiritual rhythm of the year. Preparing the Heart for the New Year While Rosh Hashanah marks the formal beginning of the Jewish year, preparation begins a month earlier during Elul . This is a time for self-examination and tshuva —returning to one’s best self. “You have the ability to go to someone you’ve hurt, say you’re sorry, and change for the better,” Sarah says. “You’re not stuck in a cycle of hurting someone again and again.” The practice of seeking forgiveness, making amends, and setting intentions for the year ahead transforms the High Holy Days into a deeply personal journey toward growth and reconciliation. The Enduring Power of Hope This year’s Hillside calendar takes inspiration from Hatikvah , Israel’s national anthem, whose name means “The Hope.” For Sarah, the theme resonates beyond national borders. “Even now that we have Israel as a homeland, it’s not guaranteed—it’s something we continue to hope for and nurture. That hope keeps going.” She reflects on the idea of Jewish “peoplehood,” which transcends geography and observance levels: “We are still the same people, even with differences. The hope is for the continuation of this peoplehood.” Looking Ahead with Intention  As we begin 5786, the Jewish New Year invites us to embrace the cycles that define our lives—of study, of renewal, of relationship, and of hope. Whether we look to the steady return of the moon, the rhythm of Torah readings, or the call of Hatikvah , each offers a reminder that the year ahead is a gift and a responsibility. We invite you to begin the new year with our 5786 calendar to mark Jewish holidays throughout the year, parsha candle lighting times, and more.
August 19, 2025
As the Jewish community prepares to welcome the year 5786, you may find yourself double-checking your calendar and asking a familiar question: “Wait, wasn’t Rosh Hashanah in September last year?” The short answer? It was. And it will be again… just not on the exact same Gregorian date. At Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, we understand how sacred time is in Jewish life. It guides how we remember, how we mourn, and how we celebrate. As we approach the High Holy Days, we wanted to share a brief explanation of why Jewish holidays “move” each year and why, in reality, they don’t. The Jewish Calendar: Same Same but Different The key to understanding the shifting dates is remembering that the Jewish calendar is a lunar calendar. That is, it’s based on the cycles of the moon, not the sun. While the Gregorian calendar used in everyday life is solar (365 days, give or take a leap year), the Jewish calendar counts months that begin with each new moon, making them about 29 or 30 days long. Twelve lunar months add up to about 354 days: 11 days shorter than the solar year. That difference might not seem like much, but over time, it would throw the holidays completely out of sync with the seasons. Passover, which must fall in spring, would slowly migrate through winter, fall, and summer. To solve this, Jewish tradition adds a leap month: a second month of Adar seven times every 19 years. This complex system keeps the calendar aligned with both the moon and the seasons, ensuring holidays stay rooted in their traditional contexts. A favorite joke captures the spirit of this calendar confusion: "When is Chanukah this year?" "Same as always—the 25th of Kislev !" Indeed, Jewish holidays always fall on the same date on the Jewish calendar, but since that calendar shifts in relation to the Gregorian one, holidays appear to “move” from year to year. Sacred Mathematics and Ancient Intent Today, we rely on calendars, algorithms, and smartphone reminders to track these changes. But in ancient times, the Sanhedrin would declare the start of a new month after reliable witnesses observed the new moon. It was a communal, spiritual, and even judicial act to mark time in accordance with sacred rhythm. Later, in the 4th century CE, Hillel II introduced a mathematically fixed calendar system that we still follow today. This calendar even accounts for practical concerns—such as ensuring Yom Kippur doesn’t fall too close to Shabbat, or that Hoshanah Rabbah doesn’t land on a Saturday, which would interfere with its observance. One Calendar, Many “New Years” Interestingly, while Nissan is considered the first month of the Jewish calendar (because Passover commemorates the beginning of Jewish freedom), the New Year itself—Rosh Hashanah—falls in Tishri, the seventh month. This mirrors the way many secular calendars work: the fiscal year might start in July, the academic year in August or September, and the Gregorian year in January. So as we look forward to the High Holy Days and the start of 5786 this Tishri, it’s worth remembering that the Jewish calendar doesn’t drift—it dances. It reflects a deep reverence for both cosmic cycles and practical life, just as our traditions ask us to honor the past while embracing renewal. At Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary, we are proud to uphold these sacred traditions and rhythms as we support our community through every season of life. Shana Tova. May the year 5786 bring you sweetness, peace, and meaning.  As we enter this new year, we are pleased to provide you with a complimentary Jewish calendar for 5786. Hillside’s calendar will help you observe Jewish holidays, follow the weekly parshah, keep track of candle lighting times, and honor other important traditions throughout the year. To request yours, fill out the form on our website here: https://www.hillsidememorial.org/calendar-request
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